In the last few months, preparations for my 20 year high school reunion commenced. I was invited to join the Facebook group  in order to stay current with all the announcements. Waaahhh. Barf. No offense, guys. The truth is, I’ve dreaded this day for as long as I could remember. Not so much the actual reunion, but the day when I must finally come to terms with the fact that I am not 25 years old  – with plenty of time to make things happen. So, I apologize to you wonderful souls on the Stamford High School Class of 1995 committee for declining to join, ignoring your communiqués, and at this point, most likely foregoing the whole damn thing (unless you definitely secure Nas, in which case you can expect me there in full hoochie regalia because duh, Nasty Nas is still fine and I just want a picture for the ‘Gram).

All this reunion talk, though, has forced me to take accounting of the last 20 years. What have I done that’s impressive? What have I done that I’m proud of? What have I done, period? What experiences have impacted me either positively or negatively? What could I change, if I could? What have I learned? And most importantly, how am I going to spend the next 20 years?

I took to Facebook to poll my friends and family. I appreciate all the replies and most of them echo my sentiments. So, I decided I would write a letter to my 18 year old self. I still remember that girl fondly. Idealistic, naïve,  fearless, but determined to love and live. She was strong in her convictions, loving and kind. On graduation day, I wore black wedge jute espadrilles that laced around my ankles, obnoxious John Lennon-esque shades, and a huge scrunchie on my wrist.  As many of you can surely relate, I’d do anything to be in that girl’s shoes again.  So, this is for you, overly tanned-beeper toting-name plate wearing-freestyle listening girl:

Dear Sharon,

Congratulations! You managed to graduate high school without trying drugs or getting pregnant! I’m sure your father is relieved and happy, that was his greatest fear. Little does he know you’re still a virgin, you’ve only kissed two guys, and you’ve never actually seen a penis in person (babies don’t count). Good job! Since we’re talking about your father, let me say this: listen to his advice pertaining to your education. He may seem like he’s clueless and crazy by imposing his dreams on you – but in time, you will realize he was right. He recognizes your talents before you do.

Be kind to your parents. You weren’t born with a handbook and you’re not always easy to deal with. They have done the best they could do with the tools they have. You aren’t perfect and neither are they. They’re human, they make mistakes, and they don’t always have all the answers. You may not always agree with them and they may not always understand you, but they love you. That love is irreplaceable. No one will ever love you that much, please don’t take it for granted.

Love your brother. He sucks now, I know. Why does he always hog up the phone? He drives you crazy when he borrows your Tommy Hilfiger rugby shirts, right? Relax, it’s just a shirt. One day, he will be one of your best friends and you will regret being shitty to him as kid. When you’re in your 30’s, his kindness, humility, and brilliant mind will inspire you. He’ll have your back when others don’t and fighting over those dumb shirts, dirty dishes, and oh, that leg of yours he has broken twice will be water under the bridge.

Material things do not equal happiness. I know LL said he wants a girl with a “Fendi bag and a bad attitude”, but bags, shoes, a closet full of clothes will never bring you the same amount of happiness that love and peace of mind will. Don’t go crazy acquiring stuff, too much junk will weigh you down. When shopping, ask yourself: do I want it or need it? Quality is always better than quantity. Save your money, even if it’s just $100 a month.  Put more in your 401k. Say no to too many credit cards and take care of that credit score.

Not everyone is your friend and has your best interest at heart (this includes family). Right now, your whole world revolves around your social life. You care so much what your friends think about you and you never want to disappoint them. Stop that. Some of these people aren’t your friends. Take notice to people that take more than they give and most importantly to who claps when you win.  If a person hurts you more than once, take charge, and stand up for yourself.  Outgrowing people is ok, don’t feel bad.

On the flip side, some friends are family and will always be there.  I know you love to believe in soul mates (we still do, by the way) but up until now, some of these people are the closest to being yours. Treasure your friendships and don’t let misunderstandings and pride keep you apart for too long. These friendships will get you through some dark times. You will share wonderful moments with these friends as well. Don’t doubt their love and loyalty.

Don’t worry so much about finding a husband. Getting married in your 20’s is like getting all dressed up, hair and makeup on point, and then not going to the party because you couldn’t find a ride. Go to the club! Go to the party! Go on vacations with the girls! Cherish those nights that start with dinner and end with breakfast. The woman you are at 25 is worlds apart from the woman you will be at 35. So have fun! Dance with all the guys that ask. Kiss as many frogs as you can. You will never completely appreciate a good man unless you date your fair share of assholes. Some of those painful experiences will make you better, stronger, and wiser…so don’t get mad, be grateful. Some decent ones will apologize years later but you won’t care. Experience is priceless and while I’m not telling you to be a hoe, you should probably be a little bit of a hoe. Why? Because you don’t want to be that chick with the hoe epiphany in your 40’s. Numbers and notches only matter to insecure men, what good is a barely used vagina with a rotten, selfish heart?  Keep an open mind but always think about your safety.  Keep an eye on your drink and use the good ol’ buddy system.  Trust your intuition, it will not lead you astray. Remember, just because some silly man doesn’t see how dope you are, it doesn’t make you any less dope. You aren’t going to be every man’s cup of tea but some day, you will be that one guy’s glass of Johnnie Walker Blue, neat.  If he can’t handle or afford a good scotch, he won’t be able to handle you anyway.

You’re going to fall in love in 8 years. All the men before him won’t matter (so don’t bother holding on to stupid stuffed animals, dried up roses, and those ridiculous Between You And Me Hallmark cards). You will hurt, grow, and be tested. The glut of love and passion will be like no other. And, while I’m tempted to advise you to avoid meeting him all together, you will share the most amazing moments with him – so amazing, you will recite them to your friends when you’re a senior citizen. He and his love are your truth but remember this, sweet girl, put yourself first. Your wants matter, too. BE BOLD! Show him who you are, what you believe, and what you stand for. Don’t dumb yourself down; let him see you. Stick to your convictions and you will save yourself a world of regret. He can’t love you if you don’t let him in. Don’t assume anything. Words without actions don’t mean anything. Be honest with yourself and with him. You are more than enough, give yourself more credit. And, when it hurts too much, walk away. Trust the Universe that whatever is meant to be will always be.

Take care of your body, it is truly your temple. Drink more water and take that multivitamin. You’re beautiful and young and you will only become more beautiful once you take ownership of it. Don’t wait until your 25^th birthday to start using moisturizer and eye wrinkle cream. Ask mom to put you on sooner, it’s never too early. Don’t over wax your eyebrows and take it easy on the white eye shadow. Oh, and please stop highlighting your hair. Those pictures circa 2002-2004 make me want to push you in a pool of deep conditioning treatment.

Travel more and read more.  Travel and books are the only two things you spend money on that actually make you richer.

Not everyone will understand your journey and that’s okay. Be true to yourself.

Be kind to everyone; when it becomes difficult to do so, think of the person as a 6 year old child. We all have that 1^st grader alive in us still.  At the end of the day, we all just want to color with the pointy crayons.

Time, circumstances, and people change. This is the beauty and crudeness of life.

Be present in the moment and don’t rush time. You don’t have to wait until summer for fun or Fridays for pizza. Don’t save your pretty dresses for special occasions. The time is now.

Don’t take yourself so seriously, even if others do. Laugh at yourself, dork.

Your spirituality is yours and yours alone. Don’t apologize or change it to accommodate others.

Don’t walk away from anything you’re passionate about.  Your happiness depends on this.

Always tell the ones you love how you feel.

All that glitters isn’t gold, sometimes the truth is best left untold. Reality bites, but nothing worthwhile comes without a fight. So, follow your heart, put your dukes up, and remember that as long as there is life, there is hope.

Hope. Never lose that.

I love us!

Sharon

And there you have it. They say youth is wasted on the young and I finally understand the statement.  Like many of you, I’ve made questionable choices and mistakes and I often wish I could turn back time. But, do-overs aren’t allowed so drowning ourselves in a sea of lament is counter- productive to living a full life. I’m determined to make the next 20 years exceptional but I understand making mistakes is inevitable. I am using this impending milestone to remind myself that I am the only one responsible for my own happiness. We are the only ones that can make our dreams come true and it’s never too late. We may no longer be carefree, spontaneous, and feel invincible but we are now wiser, stronger, and better. Limitations only exist in our heads and obstacles are only as big as we allow them to be. To quote the title of our award winning Stamford High Class of 1995 yearbook (and Nasty Nas)…”Who’s World Is This? The World Is Yours!”